The Lies That We Tell Ourselves

I'm watching 60 Minutes while Kim is editing photos, and I am also writing. The topic of the news program is about a man named, Greg Mortenson, who is an author and become somewhat of a cult figure amongst so many.

The story centers around Mr. Mortenson fabricating stories to drive his book sales, non profits and I suppose, as this story suggests, to line his pockets.

It is troubling.But it is not surprising.

Mr. Mortenson is lying to us, to his followers and to himself.

The segway to this entry is that what Greg Mortenson is doing is not so different than what we all do in some form or another every day, yet Mr. Mortenson is doing it on a much grander scale and for profit.

I think that generally as humans we put ourselves out there in a way so that we might show the best in ourselves or at the least the best that we want to believe we are.

The truth of this is often irrelevant. It is an easy lie to tell.

I am certainly guilty of this though in the past few years, I am trying to be exactly who I am and live my life whole heartedly thanks to therapy, my group, my beautiful wife & children and Brene Brown and perhaps a few others.

Last week I was faced with a customer being quite nasty towards me though I am certain that he would argue that he did nothing wrong. And maybe it wasn't wrong but it certainly was insulting.

I have done a great deal of thinking about this interaction with this customer where I made the choice to stand up for myself, set a boundary and most likely piss this guy off by doing so.

It has bothered me. It has consumed me. I am purging this through my writing. I am processing, which I find to be such a ridiculous term. I am doing what I can to see my part and move past it.

My conclusion is that though I may have created a situation for them to go to someone else to buy their carpet after I had totally rocked their bathroom remodel, I did not deserve to have my money held as "leverage" for a noisy bathroom fan that I was willing to replace.

They owed my over $6000

It was a $50 fan.

I would have done most anything to make them happy, and I did once they asked me (I am being generous by using the term asking) to replace it.

I would not and will not allow someone to tear me down, question my integrity and treat me with such disregard.

I stood up for myself. I spoke to him respectfully. I made my point. I stood my ground without yelling. I kicked ass. I really did and in a way that is new. It is the new, improved me. The me that wants to treat people in a way that reflects who I am, who I strive everyday to be.

I am certain that this man that chose to be pretty awful to me believes in his heart that this is my fault. I am to blame in his mind. He is the customer and always right. I am just the remodel lady that back talked him.

He is deceiving himself. The way that he treated me was not ok and I stood up to him.

Had I been in the wrong, I truly believe that I am in a place where I could acknowledge it, learn from it and find a way to do something different moving forward.

I am done lying to myself about who I am. I am really done!  As difficult as it may be to hear, I want to live my life really knowing who I am and be able to hear from others their experience of me.