Witness

I stopped to post this entry. I stopped my very hectic, busy, payroll tax filing life to write this down. I took time away from my wife and new, tiny, miraculous wonderful baby.

I don't want to forget this moment.

Earlier today, someone that I am very close to, though I believe that I sometimes take this relationship for granted, asked me to read a letter that she wrote to her Father. I use the capital letter only for grammatical correctness.

He doesn't deserve the big F. At least not in that way.

There is absolutely not anyone that could misconstrue this man's actions towards his daughters as anything but twisted, gut wrenching, self serving and malicious.

I'm certain that you get the idea without me having to sickly type it out.

She asked me to read her letter to her Father where she would finally tell him how she feels. Purging, cleansing, growing and probably hurting so much, more than I care to even witness.

She wanted me to help her make a succinct, laser point presentation of the pain of what her parent's, both, knowingly chose to do to her and her sisters. To their childeren.

I am still the only party in this relationship to acknowledge that her Mother was complicit.

She wanted her arguments to sound smart. She wanted to be strong and not show any weakness. She wanted me to help her, help her make sense, help her make a strong point, help her to be heard.

I read her letter to her Father, not fully realizing the privilege that this really wonderful human was giving me.

In the end, I told her not to change a thing. There was nothing that should be added or subtracted. It was horrible to hear and beautiful to witness something so cathartic and personal.

I went into it thinking how I could help her and "I would just clean it up" but stick to her point. "She" would show them who Sandra is with big words, dramatic punctuation and and precision skewering.

I learned something and though I can't describe it, I know how it feels.

Sandra not only showed them but she showed me as well. Hopefully I won't read this tomorrow and regret it since this blog isn't private. But fuck it. Who says that I'm afraid to be mushy.

The Good Life

My beautiful wife and daughter are sleeping right behind me. My awesome son is upstairs doing electronic things. I am having a glass of wine, listening to Jerry Sandusky lie on the news while my dogs sleep nearby.

I am thankful, and I just thought that I should acknowledge it. Right now, at this time in my life is the best I have ever felt.

As rote as it sounds, I am grateful!

New Mom

I've spent the last few weeks with my mother in law. She came to help us while Kim was on mandatory bed rest. You can imagine how that went knowing Kim.

I've learned a lot about Jovette the past few weeks, and there has not been one thing that I don't like. I feel so fortunate to have her in my life and in our daughter's life.

I think that the most important thing that I have come to know is her sweetness and compassion and love for her family, me included.

In summation, she is not my mother in law. I have dubbed her New Mom, and it has stuck and made us all smile, most of all me.

So this blog is to my New Mom. It brings tears to my eyes to think about you and I miss you now even as we anticipate your upcoming return.

I hope to never let her down.

Living Whole Heartedly

The past couple of weeks I've been trying out being truthful with my customers about my family. I've been very reluctant to tell people that my spouse is a woman and that we have a 10 yr old and a baby on the way.

Today I was greeted by one of my customers, who had heard from another of my customers, that I had a new arrival. She was so warm and congratulating and genuinely interested in my baby and ultimately in who I really am.

I have been under the assumption that I would get a cold, prejudiced reception. And as I have stretched myself and allowed myself to be truthfully, vulnerably out, I have found that perhaps the bias was mine.

I've always been able to count on my friends and my new family to love and accept me, and now I think that I need to give a big shout out to all of my wonderful employees and customers for showing me such kindness and generosity in my journey to share my family openly and honestly.

I feel emboldened to be all of who I am without fear of other's reactions.